Life Update: Musings on Stress, Love, Career, and More Stress
Some interesting things have happened to me since moving to Spain. Unplanned things. Like the fact that after a few months here I sat down in a cafe with a notebook and decided that I want to become a lawyer. The fact that after a few weeks here I met a wonderful man and fell in love with him shortly after. It turns out a few "interesting things" have completely shaken my life up. For the better, of course!
About stress:
Many people think I lead a low-stress life here in Spain. Which is a fair assumption. I post photos of my travels, which include monumental architectural works, blue skies, and palm trees for days. This is because I like to maintain a positive outlook, and I like spreading blue skies and palm trees. What you don't see is me, sitting on my bed at 1:30pm, still un-showered hours after a run, rushing to meet a deadline for one of the websites I work for before I start my second job at 2. You don't see me having a breakdown over visa requirements or worrying about student loan payments since working as a nanny and blogger. You don't see me budgeting, worrying about my savings account, or feeling homesick for my family. I left my job and changed my lifestyle because I was unhappy. Not because I was stressed. Life will always be stressful. You simply have to decide whether or not the stress is worth it. And I've finally found some things worth stressing over!
About love:
I met Leo in February, and we have been inseparable ever since. We are two vegetarians who adore cats. I am the sassiest, and he is never sassy. He puts up with me when I take literally an hour to choose a breakfast joint. He traveled with me and brought me water, grapefruit, and Frosted Flakes to my first race in Spain. He is thoughtful, loving, overly cautious, and sometimes reminds me of my Mamaw. And I mean that in the best way hahaha. I'm not even a romantic person, but I have to admit, that when I'm with him, my heart feels like it's full of glitter, cake, and confetti.
About career:
My entire life I have always felt pulled in a million different directions, and I have accepted that that is me, and I will always be that way. I often feel conflicted by creativity and productivity. (NOT that creativity is not productive!!!) I want to write novels and screenplays and a million different blogs. But I also want a tangible, dependable career. Freelancing is so hard. My income depends 100% on my creativity and originality, and while it can be thrilling, it's also absolutely terrifying. I've been considering law school since I was eleven years old. I don't know what has been holding me back; my refusal to "work for the man," my reluctance to go back to school, or an utter lack of self confidence. But my drive is back. I realized that as an attorney, I can actually work for the people (not the man!). I'm excited to apply to school. I can go anywhere. I can do anything.
About more stress:
I often realize how old I actually am. 25. Somehow, at heart, I feel young and old at the same time. I feel like a child, full of vitality and endless amounts of energy. But also like a 90-year-old in a young person's body. I realize that in five years I will be thirty, and every time this thought hits me, I almost vomit. Not because of the number. I don't worry about that one bit. (Life is a gift!) But rather, the rate at which life flies. I feel myself being pressured to take it slowly but also do everything that I can every single day. I know what I want, and I am getting there, no matter how long it takes. I run, I write, I work, and I love. And that is enough.
Finally, about living for the weekend.
A few months ago when I was horribly lonely in Columbus, I counted down every minute of every day, and then some. 10 minutes til lunch. 25 minutes til I'm done with work. 3 days until the weekend. It was truly a terrible way to live, and if you are in this position, I urge you to rethink how you are living your life. Now, I will admit, I still count down, but for the best things. Plus I enjoy the crap out of my weekdays. Yes, I love weekends because I spend my time with Leo. Sometimes we travel, and sometimes we just hang out and eat at an unlimited sushi buffet. My time with him fills my heart with a joy and wholeness that I've never quite felt before. I don't depend on him for happiness, but being with him is like a surplus of rainbows and unicorns, that kind of shit. But in the meantime, during those darn 5 weekdays between Sunday and Saturday, I am still thrilled about life. That is the biggest difference between myself now and myself six months ago.
At the end of the day I feel excited because I have new goals. Yes, lots of stress, but stress that is totally worth my time. I'm excited to eventually go back to school and I'm happy to have Leo as a co-pilot. I'm happy.
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