Annual Unconventional List of Thanks

I’m thankful that I’ve learned to respect myself by cutting out toxic people who are bad for my mental health. 

I’m thankful for all the setbacks, the less-than-ideal jobs, the rejections. Negative news and situations are always hard to fathom, but I trust that I am being directed to the right place.

I’m thankful for the rude, entitled people that I sometimes have to interact with for teaching me how NOT to act or treat others.

I am thankful for my self-therapy. Sometimes my eating disorder sneaks back up on me as a coping mechanism in times of distress or pain. I use it to gain control over my life. THEN I realize that is not coping- it is self-harm. And I go back to my real activities that make me happy: playing an instrument to soothe myself, or taking a run to clear my mind. I’m thankful that I can acknowledge what is healthy for me.

I’m thankful for my friends and family who do not sugar coat anything. I love when people can be honest and realistic, but not hurtful.

2014 has been the year of the friend. I think that’s because my friends and I have finally reached the age that sometimes family members don’t understand our problems because of generational differences. I love that I have found so many friends from differing backgrounds that do not judge; they only support.

I’m thankful for the hardships in recent years that have revealed my true friends. Thanks to that, I no longer need to waste time or energy on people who do not care.

I had so many friends, near and far, cheer for me during the marathon. They celebrated with me in spirit. I had friends, near and far, cry with me when Papaw died. Some of these friends didn’t even know him. But because they love me, they felt my pain too. Those are the best friends.

I’m thankful for the friends that I consider my brothers and sisters.

I am thankful for my siblings. In my life, I’ve questioned a lot of things regarding my family life. But I’ve never questioned how much I love my siblings. I know they look up to me, so I think twice when making decisions. They make me a better person.

I’m thankful for my cousins that could easily be my siblings. Cousins are great. Mine are at least. I’m so grateful for their loyalty.

I’m thankful for my high school teachers that I still continue to teach me and help me grow. I still have relationships with my music, theater and English teachers. I’ve actually shared with them some of my most private pieces of writing that I’ve never shared with anyone else. That is how much I trust and respect them.

I’m thankful for the Knowlton School of Architecture and The Ohio State University. These institutions have given me some of my best and weirdest friends a girl could ever ask for.

I’m thankful for my Uncle Ray (“Gunkle”) who has had to break a lot of bad news to me in my life. He was the one to tell me that Ethan needed heart surgery, that Papaw had cancer; that Papaw had days left to live; that Papaw had died. Every time he had to deliver this heart wrenching news, he cried with me. I really appreciate that. He never pretended that it didn’t hurt or that it was going to be okay. He acknowledged with his tears that he is hurting too and that we can hurt together. 

I’m thankful for my Mamaw. When I come home, she makes me food, does my laundry, buys me random necessities. I don’t need her to do that. But that’s exactly what Mamaws are for, and she does it perfectly. She also fills the roles that I do need. She listens to me cry, whether that is over the phone or at the dining room table. (And that can’t be a pleasant job. I am such an ugly crier.) Mamaw is definitely one of my best friends.

Finally, I’m thankful for the time I had with Papaw. Twenty-three years was not enough for me, but I’m grateful for what I did get. He taught me how to face life with laughter. Thanks to him, from now on, whatever I do, I will do it with all my heart. He would not want me to wallow in self-pity. He never did that, even when he was dying. Even though my heart aches every day, I am taking the steps I need to live a happier and healthier life. I am thankful for his motivation.