Thursday, May 8, 2014

Role Model, Not a Supermodel


Since I’ve been in my twenties, I have put a lot of thought into how I interact with children, especially young girls. In the past seven years I have volunteered at Bible schools, instructed band camps, and coached a middle school track team. As scary as it is, I do realize that little girls look up to me. I am not an angel, and I don’t strive to be; however, I do want to be a good role model for kids since I know I have no choice, especially when I am instructing them. They learn by example, and I have come to learn that I need to be that example.


Which brings me to my attitude toward growing girls. There is nothing more delightful than a child who has not been tainted by the evils of the world yet, especially the body image world. Ethan, my three-year-old cousin, has helped me learn so much about myself by seeing through his innocent eyes. When I interact with young girls, instinctually I want to babble on about just how pretty they are; “Hi, pretty girl!” “Happy birthday, gorgeous!” etc. But I resist the urge. They hear that enough. And it’s not that I don’t believe in giving compliments. I find a lot of joy in letting my friends know how beautiful they are. When I compliment a little girl, I try to focus my positive energy on something other than how she looks. She has been told numerous times how cute she looks in her flouncy dress, but has anyone told her she has a unique and charming taste in fashion? I’m sure the word “darling” has been used to describe her 78978454 times, but not daring or bold or brave.


I do believe that all children should occasionally be reminded of their inner (and outer) beauty, but honestly, when you tell a child over and over that she is pretty and focus only on the physical, she is likely to grow into an adult who expects the same compliments and attention. Speaking from the adult point of view, I do enjoy a good compliment (even though I will usually argue with every word you say..it’s something I’m working on), but I don’t expect someone to bow down to me and call me stunning on a daily basis. I’m not freaking Kate Middleton. I’m Jamie Bailey. I’m much cooler.


Reflecting on my childhood, do you know what I do remember? The fact that as a six year old I aspired to be a doctor. Not only a doctor, but THE one who created the pill to make you live forever. My back-up plan was playing in the WNBA. No big deal. I also remember winning the Young Writer’s Award at my elementary school when I was in the second grade for writing a story about a girl who went to the circus. (I hadn’t even been to a circus yet!) I remember getting my award and being treated to lunch by my school principal, a woman I respected. Those are the memories that mean the most to me.  Yeah, I have vague memories of people ranting and raving about how cute I was at church and in weddings and at piano recitals. But those are vague. My memory of my writing award is vivid.
 
I am just thankful that I did not grow up (aka hit puberty) in the age of social media. What a painful time that would have been. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter are bad enough, but now we have to factor in all the special days of the week: WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday*), MCM (Man Crush Monday), Throwback Thursday (AKA the day of the week everyone posts a picture of themselves in which they look really hot. It could have been just last week or two days ago, but damn it, it’s an excuse for a “throwback").  And don’t forget the TBH (To be honest) and “Rate” posts where kids give the other a rating, typically based on physical appearance and their likelihood of dating the subject. I know several kids who are younger than the age of ten who have these accounts, and I already worry about what this does to their confidence.


So the last thing I do is rave about how pretty one of my runners is, even if she is. I don’t coo about my young flutist’s appearance, even if she is absolutely beautiful. There will come a time, when I am no longer her teacher, when I will let them know of those feelings. But now, as I am their role model, I want them to know that they are capable, strong, smart, and especially a wonderful student of whatever it is that I am teaching them.


*Woman Crush Wednesday makes absolutely no sense to me when a male posts a picture of his crush. Unfortunately we are still in the day and age that it is assumed that you are a heterosexual male; therefore posting a photo of your crush can happen any day of the week, not just Wednesdays. WCW is for presumably heterosexual females to post a photo of their crushes and not appear to be “gay.” Same goes for girls and MCMs.

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