C 2 Shining C, a Recap

This weekend I did this crazy thing that made my heart swell with love, my eyes fill with tears, my legs fill with lactic acid, and my car fill with.. umm. not pleasant smells. What could this crazy thing be?! The C2C Run! (link to event included at the end) In plain English, the C2C Run is a 130+ mile relay run from Columbus to Cincinnati, Ohio, benefiting the American Cancer Society. Specifically supporting the Road to Recovery Program (program that transports local cancer patients to and from treatment as needed). This was the C2C's inaugural year, and I was also on the planning committee! We started this project approximately 10 months ago, and we put our hard work to the test over the weekend. Eight teams, seventy-five runners, and countless volunteers raised over $30,000 for ACS! What an accomplishment!

Cheering on the River City Runners at the starting line!

The Details
Each team had 8-9 runners and 1-2 vehicles. My team of 8 broke down into 4 people per van. Legs 1-4 (my van) would run in assigned order while van 2 rested. Then van 2, transporting legs 5-8, would run their assignments while we rested. Or tried to rest at least. (I can't sleep under pressure hahaha) Other teams took one large vehicle! When one runner finished his/her leg, he/she "passed the torch," or in this case, a timing chip in the form of a bracelet, to the other runner. This means we had one runner constantly on the road for 22.5 hours!

My team, Will Run for Cupcakes, lining up at the start!

The Legs
Round One: Legs 1-4, 9.11.2015, 7pm-11:15pm
I was leg 4, meaning I ran the assignments 4, 12, and 20! It totaled at almost 20 miles. With that nonsense out of the way, here's how it went: My teammate Randy started us off. The event kicked off at Goodale Park in Columbus. He was only running 5-ish miles for his first leg. I knew it wouldn't take him any longer than 50 minutes to finish, so my other two teammates and I hit the road. We may or may not have gotten lost within the first ten minutes. We may or may not have caused Randy to sit in the cold rain for an extra 20 minutes while we pulled ourselves together. I still feel awful about that. :O Our second leg, McKenzie also had to run her five miles in the rain.

By the time leg 3, Katie, began, it was nighttime and we were well out of the city. The nighttime rules were that the runner had to run with the flow of traffic, but with the SAG (support and gear) vehicle following directly behind the runner. I missed a sign, and Katie ran through probably two miles of dark cornfields without the assistance from our van! As you can see, our first round of legs was a little confusing! :/ I almost cried when I realized she was out there alone, but she took it like a champ! She wuddn't afraid o' nothin'! Also during this leg, a car pulled over for us. We had a flashing yellow light on top of our car (a C2C requirement!), and evidently this other driver thought we had some authority. Randy, McKenzie, and I laughed about it all night. Literally. ;) When Katie made it safely through her 7.3-miler, it was finally my turn! McKenzie took the wheel and I took the pavement.

My first leg was 4.4 miles, and we had finally arrived in the "rolling" terrain area. My first leg had several hills and two very scary, narrow bridges. Apparently my teammates in the car would panic when I had to run across one! I started out at a relaxed pace, and then adrenaline started pumping through me. I finished a little under my normal pace! Since I was the fourth and last leg of the first half of our team, the rest of our team was always present at the exchange point at which I finished. That means I always had a cheering section! It was pretty cool. :) When I finished leg 4, leg 5, Sam, kicked off for our other van. We headed to the YMCA in Washington Courthouse to rest!

Team selfie, at a stop light during the first leg!

Round Two: Legs 9-12, 9.12.2015, 2:30am-7am
The other half of our team flew through their assignments! During our team's designated rest time, I'm not convinced any of us actually slept. We all agreed that we "rested" our eyes for maybe 45 minutes. The middle section, or round two as I am calling it, was by far the most challenging because of the time of day we were running it. At that point we were fatigued from being awake almost 24 hours, and we had to pull through some really tough hours in the cold, damp darkness. However, when I finally hit the pavement for leg 12, I was really pumped up. What we were achieving finally hit me, and I realized that when I finished my team would officially be halfway done! Leg 12 was the C2C "challenge route," and I "took one for the team" when I signed up for that. It was the longest leg at 9.9 miles on rolling terrain. I began the challenge route at 5:30am. I was freezing when I started! A mile in I was fine. It was a comfortable temp actually- 54 degrees! This was a very emotional assignment for me. The longer mileage left me more time to reflect upon what I was doing and for whom I was doing it.

Whenever I felt fatigued, I would picture my Papaw as a lanky 16-year-old basketball player running in front of me, teasing me that I couldn't go any faster. The emotions I was feeling lead me to fly. Miles 3 and 4 clocked in at 9:08 - almost 40 seconds below my training pace. I slowed it down just a little for the sake of not running out of steam. Otherwise, I had negative splits! I am grateful to have done the challenge route because I experienced the beauty of a sunrise on Ohio back roads that I had never traveled. It was cloudy that morning, so the colors were dark and beautiful. The sky was a dark orange, burgundy and gray. A humid haze added another gray layer to the canvas. It's a hard scene to describe. It was breathtaking, but not cheerful. It was dark, but not ominous. It was vivid and fascinating.

I finished in the cloudy daylight in the middle of a cornfield. When I saw the official "half way" point, a big blue finish line, I picked up the pace at finished at a 7:35. It was approximately 7:00am. I felt amazing and free. And I looked wild. :) Katie, Randy, McKenzie and I decided we wanted something substantial to eat other than our diet of pretzels, peanut butter, and bagels, so we found ourselves a McDonald's. We had each been awake for 24 hours by that time, and we were feeling it. My runner's high was wearing off and I needed to rest. Combine that with some runger (intense hunger resulting from running) and I was a sassy mess. In McDonald's, we got so many stares. I mentioned in a Facebook post that it wasn't my proudest moment, but I did say... "If one more person stares at us, I'm gonna let them smell me. I look like a skank because I just ran 15 miles. You look like a skank because you are a skank." I promise I normally do not call people skanks, but my tolerance was nonexistent at that moment. :) We got our food and finally got to rest. We parked the van and napped hippie style. Doors ajar. Sprawled across whatever we could fit on. There was a pleasant breeze flowing through our stinky car, and it was sunny. Honestly one of the best naps I've ever taken- haha!

Round Three: Legs 17-20, 9.12.2015, 11am-2:30pm
Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. We were so freakin' happy because we had gotten to nap (2 hours works wonders). Because we were almost finished. Because it was a gorgeous day. Because we were kicking C2C's ass. This last round for my half of the team started on the Little Miami trail. It was serene and again, the perfect running conditions. Low 70's, but on a shaded trail; mostly downhill, down-river. I have a fun little story regarding my final leg. It was 4.2 miles. My splits continued to be negative (this is great to a runner!). I was approaching the 4 mile-mark, and I knew I was almost done. I was running approximately an 8:35 pace. There was a man running ahead of me. At first I thought he could be affiliated with C2C. I got closer (quickly as our paces were drastically different), and I realized he was not. He was sort of running right in the middle of the trail, and I needed to pass him. He noticed me, flicked his head back to see me, and then started running faster. This, my friends, pissed me off. That is bad trail etiquette. It was clear I was part of an event. I was wearing an official bib and our team gear. He started slowing down again after a few seconds. I tried to pass him a second time, and he did it again. Now the finish was in sight, and my committee/volunteer friends Brian and Robert could see what was happening. They started screaming for me. Two of my teammates were there too, yelling as well. I'm not sure what happened, but I kicked it down to a 6:35 pace and blew this heathen out. of. the. water. My teammates and friends were cracking up. Mind you, I pulled this pace out of nowhere after completing a total of over 19 miles haha. I was not playing! Papaw would have been cracking up at my temper and likely proud of my stubborn nature. I'm actually quite sure he sent that jackwagon to the trail just to make me work harder!

That wrapped up my van's assignments! We were in a cute town in Loveland, Ohio, and we located the nearest ice cream stand to indulge before the real finish line treats. We were ecstatic. Slap happy! Everything made us laugh. We drove to the finish to wait for our team, and it started to rain again. (It rained on the other half of our team every time!!)

We did it! My team at the long-awaited finish line in Cincinnati! 

The Inspiration
Inspiration was everywhere I looked.

So many of my friends jumped through hoops just to do this event. One friend became injured at the last minute and then developed tonsillitis five days before showtime. A teammate was also battling a last-minute injury that landed her at the chiropractor the day of the event! Another teammate had a head cold from hell! Two teammates barely had any training time.

But I could see the determination in everyone. Especially at the end when we came together to celebrate our achievements. I don't know everyone's stories, but I saw many humble tears. I saw two brothers have a moment while their daughters innocently danced in the rain. I saw tears in my best friend's eyes when she crossed the finish line. A friend was there because he lost his sister to cancer. Another very young friend had lost her mother. My best friend has lost several family members. In that moment. In those 24+ hours, our pain came together as one. As did our efforts. The funds raised from this event will provide local cancer patients with the means they need to make it to their treatments.

I cannot describe the amount of fun that I had with my team. This was quite an adventure! Good news: We can do it every year! :)  http://community.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=69845&pg=entry

Thanks for reading!

(Not Your Average) Autumn Bucket List

I've never been one to fawn over fall. I get it. People like wearing sweaters and being cozy and sh*t. Great. To be honest, autumn makes me a little sad. I get nostalgic for being in the band and the crisp football Friday nights. Fall is the season in which I lost my Papaw. So I'm never exactly thrilled about all the feels it brings. Ya dig? But there are some bright sides. Fall is a beautiful season everywhere. Autumn = prime running/race season. And there is the crown jewel of fall.. HALLOWEEN. (the only thing I care about tbh). Sooooo to combat all my sappy feelings, I made a fall bucket list! But it's not a bucket of fall like I saw Bath & Body Works was selling. That actually makes me want to vomit a little bit. Come on.

1. Perfect the pumpkin pie smoothie
This is a delightfully festive drank and a healthier alternative than the pumpk-- okay I'm not even going to say the word. Recipe and photo courtesy of Alexis at http://www.hummusapien.com/pumpkin-pie-smoothie/

2. Visit the Patch

Two years ago my friends and I visited a local pumpkin patch (pictured to the right). We ended up in chilly, blustery, misty weather that was less than ideal. But the experience was fun! And the pumpkin patch itself in combination with the dreary weather looked like the set of a Halloween horror film! I felt like a kid again. And we stopped to eat/warm up on the way home with our new babies (pumpkins). It was loads of fun!

3. Dedicate a day to my love for Pride & Prejudice and watch all the film adaptations. And anything with Colin Firth in it. Or Keira Knightley. Oh also, Harry Potter. Basically a 24-hour British film festival in my pajamas.

4. See what a new city looks like in the fall : Boston

I was lucky enough to grow up in a southern Ohio town that transforms into a red/gold wonderland during the autumn months. Absolutely gorgeous. A trip to my hometown is glorious, but I'd still like to see what other cities look like it the fall! So I'm going to Boston! I have an even better excuse to go there. My bestfriend lives there! Salem, here we come! ;)


5. Road trip through the Carolinas
While we're on the subject... Last year I was en route to Florida in late October, and we drove through North and South Carolina. We only had a brief glimpse of the foliage. Stunning nonetheless. But I can only imagine the burst of color in the mountains!

6. Make welcoming decor!
I'm a sucker for flowers. I cheated a little because I already did this over the weekend, but I made this dope wreath (to the left) with my Mamaw! She's a pro. I'm not.


7. Pick apples!
I am particularly divalicious when it comes to apples. I favor the honeycrisp. I've actually said, "If it's not honeycrisp, I won't eat it." I may have been a little dramatic, but what better way to satisfy my apple-demands than to pick the darn things myself??


8. Camp
I have a fantasy of wandering into the red and golden wilderness with homemade granola bars and a tent.

9. Have two epic Halloween costumes - not one.. But two!
Halloween is the crown jewel of autumn. This is THE Holiday for my friends and I. We look for reasons to have more than one costume. I can't share my ideas with you because they're so epic. ;) But let's say one involves a couple o' well known Saturday Night Live characters. 

10. Friendsgiving
My friends are too good to be true. When we argue, we are fighting about who loves the other more. It's a losing battle. No one ever gives up. Friendsgiving (Thanksgiving + friends) is the perfect way to do that arguing- over a festive meal!

Pep Talk for the "Non-Runner"

People ask me about running a lot. Probably because that's a lot of what I talk about! I've run 6 half marathons, 1 full marathon, countless 5Ks, and other random-distance races since 2010. Between training, eating (constantly), preventing or treating injury, and the races themselves, I have a lot to talk about! I could chatter for days about running-related crap that other people care nothing about. On the other side of that spectrum, when people come to me for advice about running, many curious people ask me how I do it. They say, "I wish I could do that." "You ran 10 miles? That's insane! I could never do that." "Running sucks, how do you do it?" I would like to address all these aspirations and doubts. :)

I didn't wake up one day and Forrest Gump-style run for miles!! I started very small. I would also like to include that since I am young a lot of people assume I ran in high school or college. Nooooo. I had a short-lived track career before I gave it up for the arts. The only running I did was from band to theater! So I am saying that I, like many who consult me for advice, did not have a running background. I started from scratch! I did run a bit in high school outside of organized sports. To my mother's dismay, I would run on our country road. The stretch of road I chose was only less than a mile, and I would run one side and walk the other. Until one day I could run both sides without stopping! I eventually built up from running/walking less than a mile to running a full two miles, then three miles! After a few 5Ks and a little encouragement from friends, I registered for my first half marathon (13.1 miles). I remember the first time I ran 6 miles in training. I crawled to my dorm room. Yes. I am very dramatic. Crawled, whining about how dehydrated I was. A few years and many races later, I call six miles a "short" distance.

"I wish I could do that." YOU CAN! If you were blessed with the ability to walk, you can certainly at least try to run. Start small. Set a goal. Choose a local 5K and challenge yourself to at least finish it. Forget about a finish time. Another great thing about races- almost all of them have a wheelchair division, and those athletes are the most inspiring ones there! I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I can barely run up a hill. I know I could not wheel myself up one! People who participate in races have all kinds of abilities, but they have one thing in common. They are all determined beasts!

"You ran 10 miles? That's insane! I could never do that!" Refer to "I wish I could do that." pep talk. :) Also, never say never! I would like to add that I am often in higher mileage because I run long distance, which is my distance of choice. This is not everyone's choice, and it does not need to be. Some people are sprinters. Some people love a good short-distance race, and therefore keep their mileage at 5 miles max. Some people do ultra-marathons. (An ultramarathon is any race longer than 26.2 miles) Choose the distance that works for you! Just because you don't run marathons doesn't mean you're not a "real runner." If you run, you are a runner! 5K Queen or Marathon Machine. You are a runner.

"Running sucks, how do you do it?" Same answer as before: It's all about the build-up! Plus running does kind of suck. Especially if you're just starting to train. Your lungs and heart are working hard for you and your body is using its energy stores. That doesn't sound glamorous, so don't expect it to feel glamorous. No matter how many times I've trained, the first mile of my workout almost always "sucks." Remember that every runner has bad days when they bounce out of a run or their legs feel like lead. You have to push past those moments to get to the good ones; the easy mile; the finish line.

Running is a mental sport. If you talk down to yourself, you're not going to do well. You need to train your mind as well as your body. I assure you- You are more than capable of reaching the finish line. You are SO worth it. Your body and mind will thank you!

Friending, Following, and Fighting: Navigating the Rough and Wonderful Waters of Social Media

The internet is home to the good, the bad, and the ugly. The good, and most obvious (and founding) reason for social media, is to connect with friends, new and old, near and far. But the bad and the ugly can take a real toll on your mental health without you even knowing. Here are some things to consider when you follow and friend folks on social media!

Here is my personal way of using social media, and it’s okay to use all forms in all different ways:

Facebook: FB is where I follow my friends and family and share personal info and photos. I love to share sometimes long and winding statuses if something funny happened that I think is worth sharing. I also write equally as long statuses if I witness something unfair or hateful. I also utilize the good ol’ FB for fundraising purposes for various charities I support. Overall, I use Facebook as a storyboard and scrapbook.

Instagram: I share photos of all kinds. Photos from daily life: How far I ran, a beautiful photo from a trail run, pictures of my friends from dinner, and sometimes pictures OF my dinner. Oh and my nephew and cat. :D Instagram is a free-for-all. I am a visual person, and if I find or take a photo that makes me laugh, I’ll share it. I’m not a five-star photographer. I just share humorous or pleasant photos. I also started doing #feministfriday approximately a year ago, and I love sharing socially enlightening photos as well.

Twitter: Although I address some seriousness in each of these accounts, Twitter is the least serious to me. Which is ironic because I think Twitter and its fame for hashtags is most important for social change. For example, I got a lot of information about the Sandra Bland murder through Twitter. Anywho, when I am not perusing the latest socially important hashtag, I’m sharing stupid tweets about my day, being hangry and road rage. Generally crass and unimportant. Hopefully entertaining. ;)

Now that you know how I utilize social accounts, here is how I keep myself and my friends and followers in check.

The Good

I am the type of person who can be easily misunderstood. I’m not overly obnoxious, but there is potential. I’m stubborn, and sometimes I think people perceive my strong personality as maybe feelings of superiority. I never want to be perceived that way. I do think since I have started using social media more frequently that I have become more conscious of how I present myself to others. It’s important to be critical of your actions and words, and my presence on social media keeps me in check. For example, when I started preaching my love for feminism and equal rights, I was guilty of only pushing middle-class feminist issues. Social has helped me find my voice as an ally for women of all races, gender identities, and abilities. I also used to share my opinion unapologetic-ally at all times. I am still unapologetic with my opinion, but I am slowly understanding that my comment is not necessary on everything! I’ll never be perfect, but there is always room for improvement!

The Bad

My Facebook friend list grew from maybe 200 to 900 from college on. I regularly try to maintain my friend list, but I try not to be overly harsh about unfriending people (as if anyone cares). My newsfeeds, especially on Facebook which is my oldest account, becomes an accumulation of.. well. People and info I don’t really care about. Here are a few questions I ask myself: Is this person relevant to my life? (Hahaha that sounds really harsh, but it's important. As a writer, I know I have people who enjoy reading my blogs and work. If I don’t regularly see this person but I know they appreciate my work, I keep ‘em! Those people are valuable!) Will I ever see this person again? (I have had a few “friends” who do more harm than good. If they share hateful and narrow-minded posts, I block ‘em. Not worth my time or effort. Especially if I never see the culprit in person. Again, who really cares? Get rid of that negativity!)

Another bad aspect of social is the fact that sharing a personal story or photo opens up a forum for discussion. Sometimes it’s fun! Sometimes it’s awful. I recently had a male friend attack me for sharing a story about being bullied for my tattoos. In his opinion, there are more important issues than the fact that women’s bodies become commentaries for people who treat them as objects. Ironic since I’ve never seen the culprit make a feminist observation in the six years I’ve known him. Social media can really bring the bigots out of the woodwork. When you share on social, you have to be prepared to either brush off the bullies or fight with them if the cause is important. When in doubt, block it out.

The Ugly

When I think of fighting with people on the internet, I want to cry. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating when someone doesn’t understand your point of view and sometimes it can make you feel like a bad person when you’re just trying to communicate a progressive and simple message. This seems shocking, but I’ve been targeted by various OLDER (older emphasized because you would assume they are more mature!) people online. My first ugly fight happened on Facebook with a family member who mocked a status of mine about Robin Williams. My status was about reaching out for help if you’re suicidal because, in my opinion, it was worth a try. If that saves one person, who cares what everyone else thinks? This older woman mocked my status, and when I called her out on it, became very aggressive and personally attacked my history of disordered eating and then tried to invalidate my experience because I am half her age. Very rude, immature, and uncalled for.  Needless to say, I blocked her. It’s been a year, and I haven’t had to argue with her about ANYTHING. (Refer to previous section: I never see her in person anyway!) Blocking her removed at least a small fraction of stress from my life! 

Like all other relationships in life, you need to make sure your "relationships" on social media are healthy! Unlike real life, they don't need to be meaningful at all. Social media is what you make it! It can be satirical, a news source, or just a place to talk with friends! Just make sure you're not filling your own life with the trash of others and putting yourself at risk for bullying and exhausting virtual arguments. Not worth it!

A Woman's Dramatic Journey Through Target (to Chipotle)

I wandered in the store, covered in sweat and bugs from my latest trail run, longing for Chipotle which was so far away. But I was on a mission. I needed a nut driver (lol) and some mace since mine was MIA. I walked to the tool section. Not a nut driver in sight. They had pink screwdrivers for crying out loud! But not even a nut driver. Sidetracked because of my intense hunger, I found myself admiring bath towels. Then decorative throws. I ran my shaky hand across a red one. I could just lie down on the floor with this. And sleep. Forever.

Really pleasant thoughts to have at Target, lemme tell ya.

With Target having me under its Target Spell, I walked aimlessly into the candle section and smelled every candle in the place. So hungry, I thought, I'm actually going to melt into these scents and fade away. I snapped out of it, remembering the sweetness of the guacamole that awaited me. Suddenly I found myself in the exercise section. I picked up two purple dumbbells and put them in my basket. I need these. I need to be strong. I realized I was looking for mace.

I found a kindred spirit (aka a Target employee), who I sensed also hated people, near the Cheetos. "Do you carry mace?" He stared at me pitifully. I couldn't tell if he was staring at the mascara smudged across my face, the bugs that had perished on my body, or the dirt that lined my ankles. This kindred spirit/secret hater named Arthur walked me aisles away to the appropriate section and got me some mace.

Carrying my basket of mace and weights, I thought, Damn, this basket is heavy. Oh yeah, there are weights in there. Duh. I found a checkout line that looked longer than the trails I had just run. A woman got in line behind me. She stood so closely to me that I kicked my basket a few inches ahead and moved. She moved with me. I had no choice but to give her some serious side eye. I was starving! How dare she!

Then-- the treacherous journey to Chipotle. I thought it was going to be a fast drive from T to C. But I also thought I was going to faint. I wasn't so sure I could make it. Although I know the area like the back of my hand, I took a wrong turn which delayed me severely. There was no way out. Only a bunch of one-way turns and a lot of pedestrians. It's not my proudest moment, but I'll admit, I considered hitting a human being with my car to get to Chipotle. When I finally parked, I walked out in front of some jackwagon driving a Mercedes. Because.. Try me. Also, food.

I finally hobbled into Chipotle and began to order from the adorable employee. "Burrito bowl, please." "Do you want any beans with--" But suddenly I felt something bite my ass cheek. "Excuse me, I'm sorry, I think there is a bug in my pants." Without thinking, I'm in a public space right now, I reached my hand up into my spandex to get the little sucker out. Bug-free, I finished my order. I took it to go because I just wanted to go home and take my pants off. On the way to the car, giving absolutely no shits whatsoever, I stuck my trail/Target/bug-in-the-spandex hands into the chip bag and delivered the saltiest, most glorious chip I've ever tasted to my desperate lips.

Invincible Summer

I have developed a theory that people personify the season they were born into. I was born in February, the coldest month in winter. Although winter is the least favorite, harshest season to some, I think it is lovely. The snow falls and covers everything in sparkling sheets of white. The air is crisp, and the nights are bright.

My best friend, born in October, is a warm fall day, easygoing as the quiet breeze that gently removes the dried leaves from the trees and places them on the ground.

Another best friend, born in May, is the epitome of cheery spring flowers. She is always pleasant, and she brings the sunshine when she walks into a room.

And I love so many people who were born in the summertime. My Papaw, my mother, my great-grandmother, two sisters, my uncle, and another best friend were all born in the heat of the season. They are all fiery and playful and full of energy. I would love these people fiercely no matter what, but their fire certainly balances out my ice. They are my sunshine when I am too brisk. They are full of life when I am empty. Yin and yang. Which explains why missing Papaw, one of the loves of my life, has been so hard. His heart completed mine.

My grandfather's birthday would have been today. This summer has been undeniably hard without him. He adored every summer activity.

Grilling,
golfing,
gardening,
running,
sitting on the porch,
snoozing in the sun,
walking on the beach,
taking in the waves,
soaking in the rays,
watching the fireworks,
drinking sweet tea,
laughing in the grass.

All of these remind me of him.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." I really did. Papaw is my summer, as I am the winter. He will always be in my heart, thawing the ice that's been freezing there for years. He is invincible.

Happy birthday, my love.

If you wish to make a difference in the lives of those suffering from cancer, please consider making a donation to the American Cancer Society C2C Run http://main.acsevents.org/goto/cupcakes4acure or specifically pancreatic cancer patients, the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network,  https://netcommunity.pancan.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=796

xo,
JB

Adulting 101: Office Blues

When I graduated college, I was SO ready to start a full time, “big girl” job.  An 8-5, 40 hours a week type of thing. I thought an office job would give me the stability I had missed in college when days blended into nights and weekends were for bingeing on sleeping and eating and everything in between. But in my two years in the workforce, I’ve made quite a few surprising discoveries about office life that my mama never warned me about.

Dress code

When I got my first “real job,” I was thrilled at the thought of actually looking like a human instead of a zombie with mismatched socks when walking out the door. I was elated to have an excuse to wear a pencil skirt every day! That went downhill real quick. Lol @ looking presentable. Now it’s like a casual fashion show when I don’t have to dress up. Who knew that shopping for linen tees could be so great? Grandpa sweaters and leggings are my happy place, and sometimes I miss that zombie with mismatched socks. High buns are for days you roll out of bed (okay, everyday). Taking off your bra is the most gratifying activity of the day. And as they say, home is where the pants aren’t!

Stylin’ and profilin’

When you get a haircut, or modify your appearance in any way, you have to discuss it with what seems like a thousand people. In reality, it will be however many co-workers you have. Fifteen different people will ask you if you got a haircut, although it’s obvious you did, and you have to bear the conversation fifteen different times. I recently dyed my hair, and I had to deal with co-workers’ reactions for a span of two days. I got so tired of giving the same boring answer, so I spiced it up a little bit. One older gentleman awkwardly asked if dyeing my hair was my “choice.” I said (I really said this btw), “Unfortunately it was not. In the middle of the night, a magical hair unicorn entered my room, touched its horn to my head, and said, ‘You shall have hair that burns brighter than the light of a thousand suns.’” I would only suggest “spicing” up your answers about haircuts and colors only if you’re in an environment that you know you won’t get fired for being a little smartie.

Your co-workers make or break your job

I truly work with a cast of characters. That can go two ways. Some of my co-workers are difficult to work with. A few people could not be positive or friendly if their lives depended on it. I still cheerily say, “Good morning!” to those people and just shrug off their bad attitudes. On the other hand, I am lucky enough to work with a very good friend, and she makes my job so much better! It’s nice to have someone to share jokes with and go to lunch with.

Again… Co-workers make or break the… 

Recently I had a co-worker stand in front of my desk and actually fart while talking to me…loudly. I am terrible at holding in laughter, and this person stood in front of me and acted like it didn’t even happen. When the person walked away, I had to run out of the office and laugh. So hard that I cried. Then I laughed at my desk sporadically throughout the rest of the day, and at some point my boss asked me why I kept laughing. Embarrassing moments happen at work for everyone, and since you’re with your co-workers alllll the time, something of that nature is bound to happen.

I personally had a wardrobe malfunction when I was still new. I had a hole in the butt of my dress, and had no idea for hours. When I found it, my face turned a new shade of red. I had to walk back to my office, holding my dress closed, and I asked my boss to staple my dress shut! Yes, staple!

Sometimes things get really grossly personal

My good friend, the marketing director, approached my desk one day looking completely appalled. I had to pry the answer out of her because she was so disturbed. “I was on ****’s computer, and I found a folder called ‘sex photos’ in his Hotmail.” I was also immediately disturbed. I became upset that my friend had to discover this, even if it was just the title and not the contents. I wanted to march back to ****’s office and ask, “What is this, 1997? Keep that crap on your phone!” I resisted, and we just laugh about it now. But honestly. Who does that?

You look forward to everyone else’s vacation as much as your own

College is much different than a full time job because in school your schedule differs on a daily basis. At work, you see the same people over and over again. At the same time. Every day. This is why adults are always whining about needing a vacation. The struggle is REAL. I realized that I love when others go on vacation too. As awful as it sounds, sometimes it’s nice to have a break from Woman Who Always Complains About the Weather and Man Who Cannot Understand How To Copy and Paste for a few days.

Adult things like “work trips” happen

Twice now I have traveled to our corporate office for a symposium. All expenses are paid! We get to stay in a fancy hotel, and they feed us three meals a day. It’s fabulous. I really don’t think I accept the whole adult thing, but I considered it after my first work trip.

You end up building valuable relationships 

At the end of the day, you realize that Man Who Does Not Understand How to Copy and Paste and Woman Who Always Complains About the Weather kind of sort of care about you, and as much as it hurts to admit it, you care about them too. (But it doesn’t change the fact that in the beginning of the day they made you wish there was whiskey in your tea.)

Hang in there, my fellow office babes, the weekend is just around the corner! ;) Or a bar is at least.