Sorry, Not Sorry

My nephew fell off a stool a few weeks ago, but thankfully Super-Aunt (that's me) caught him. When he began falling and reaching for something to catch himself, he knocked my make-up bag off the counter. "I sorry," the two-year-old said (and totally broke my heart) as if I were upset with him. That is a basic example of a physical reason a person may have to "apologize."

I already cannot stand when people generally apologize for everything they do, but I get really upset when I notice that my female friends apologize for things that men do not.

A great friend of mine was talking to me about her job and her skills in her field. She said, "I'm sorry, but I am great with people and our clients love me." My response was, "Why are you sorry for that? It's a talent. Don't apologize for your talent."

If you know me at all, you know I am a pianist. If you know me well enough, you know I'm a good one. It's not a topic I shout about from the rooftops everyday, but it does pop up in conversation occasionally. When new acquaintances find out about my skill it's almost a guarantee they ask, "Are you good?" (This really makes me angry, by the way). Here is an appropriate list of answers I could give to that question: I can read any damn thing you put in front of me. I've had more recitals than you've had girlfriends. I am better than Taylor Swift. (Okay, that's not a very good answer). I am great. Here is the answer I always give, "I hope so."

It is ingrained in the female brain that being over-confident is the equivalent of being a "bitch." On the other hand, a lack of confidence is not attractive. This sounds like a broad generalization, but there are examples everywhere in pop culture. It's the plot to every teen-movie you've ever seen. The confident girls are popular and always portrayed as manipulative bitches. There is an underdog who makes bad fashion choices and has never had a boyfriend; the subject of everyone's laughter. The (by default) unattractive girl gets a make-over, then gets a little confidence, and suddenly! The man of her dreams. Because that is what truly matters! [I could get into real academic mode and breakdown examples of confidence racially, sexually, and socioeconomically. That will come at another time, likely to be in the form of film critiques.]

Most women try to hover around the middle (post-underdog status) by stating their confidence with an apology attached. Usually the apology is the prelude to the actual statement of self-confidence or knowledge of self. It's like saying, "Hey, I'm about to say something really nice about myself, almost like a compliment! But I don't want you to think I'm arrogant, so I'm going to apologize before I give said compliment."

Apologize when you step on someone's dog. Say you're sorry when you miss a birthday or worse, drop someone's birthday cake. Apologize for situations that deserve an apology!

If you did something great, celebrate it! If you feel beautiful, say it! Stop apologizing for your feelings, your thoughts, your opinions, and your talents.