It's Thanksgiving, bros.

My wish with this list is to comically relieve you of the seriousness the holiday season brings. ;) I kept a list this week of things I am thankful for, but no. No, no. Not a sappy list of the people I love (I think that's pretty obvious). I wanted to provide a list of unconventional blessings; and thus this list was born. I hope you have a blessed and hopefully hilarious Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for... (in no particular order)

ice cream

sunshine (when I get to see it)

smiles- smiling is my favorite.

my goofy, hilarious and extremely vulgar co-workers. One day I randomly revealed this thought to the office: "Isn't the concept of having a pet dog really bizarre? We could choose to domesticate any animal. We could have pet squirrels. And we choose dogs only." After our regional manager stared at me for a few seconds, she responds to my epiphany, "You're f***ing f***ed in the head, man." Needless to say, I stood in her office and cried... from laughter. 

shrimp

Bailey's- Not only does it make my last name seem cooler, but it also promotes under-the-table alcoholism (i.e. Bailey's in your coffee).

kind souls- I'm a sucker for a kind soul.

little kids in glasses- also a sucker for little kids in glasses.

my cat

Harry Potter

Led Zeppelin

anger management- Even though I've never been (although it's been suggested), I can always use it in a sentence and scare the pants off of people. "I didn't go to anger management for this." It's believable and terrifying.

Tina Fey

long-sleeved t-shirts

rainy nights- Since I already cannot/do not sleep, rain on the roof ca. 12am is like an actual lullaby from God.

Les Miserables- Specifically "I Dreamed a Dream." Singing/crying to that song in my car makes for some hilarious therapy. No matter how sucky your life may be, you're still not a French prostitute.

Beastie Boys (in the morning)

David Bowie (at night)

Random dogs that come into my office.

my intense hearing- If my senses weren't always heightened, I wouldn't ever have caught my neighbor outside in his underwear, throwing a pumpkin shot-put style.

delirious laughter- There is nothing as hilarious as the feeling of laughing when you have no idea why you are (hunger, sleep deprivation. I usually experience a combination of both. Ahem... ARCHITECTURE SCHOOL).

inappropriate laughter- Okay actually there is nothing as hilarious as laughing when you know you shouldn't be. 

The British Invasion- If these artists didn't storm the US, I would have no identity.

Disney

The weirdos on High Street who cause me to run faster (to get away from them).

Chuck Taylors

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YA'LL! <3 font="">

Sorry, Not Sorry

My nephew fell off a stool a few weeks ago, but thankfully Super-Aunt (that's me) caught him. When he began falling and reaching for something to catch himself, he knocked my make-up bag off the counter. "I sorry," the two-year-old said (and totally broke my heart) as if I were upset with him. That is a basic example of a physical reason a person may have to "apologize."

I already cannot stand when people generally apologize for everything they do, but I get really upset when I notice that my female friends apologize for things that men do not.

A great friend of mine was talking to me about her job and her skills in her field. She said, "I'm sorry, but I am great with people and our clients love me." My response was, "Why are you sorry for that? It's a talent. Don't apologize for your talent."

If you know me at all, you know I am a pianist. If you know me well enough, you know I'm a good one. It's not a topic I shout about from the rooftops everyday, but it does pop up in conversation occasionally. When new acquaintances find out about my skill it's almost a guarantee they ask, "Are you good?" (This really makes me angry, by the way). Here is an appropriate list of answers I could give to that question: I can read any damn thing you put in front of me. I've had more recitals than you've had girlfriends. I am better than Taylor Swift. (Okay, that's not a very good answer). I am great. Here is the answer I always give, "I hope so."

It is ingrained in the female brain that being over-confident is the equivalent of being a "bitch." On the other hand, a lack of confidence is not attractive. This sounds like a broad generalization, but there are examples everywhere in pop culture. It's the plot to every teen-movie you've ever seen. The confident girls are popular and always portrayed as manipulative bitches. There is an underdog who makes bad fashion choices and has never had a boyfriend; the subject of everyone's laughter. The (by default) unattractive girl gets a make-over, then gets a little confidence, and suddenly! The man of her dreams. Because that is what truly matters! [I could get into real academic mode and breakdown examples of confidence racially, sexually, and socioeconomically. That will come at another time, likely to be in the form of film critiques.]

Most women try to hover around the middle (post-underdog status) by stating their confidence with an apology attached. Usually the apology is the prelude to the actual statement of self-confidence or knowledge of self. It's like saying, "Hey, I'm about to say something really nice about myself, almost like a compliment! But I don't want you to think I'm arrogant, so I'm going to apologize before I give said compliment."

Apologize when you step on someone's dog. Say you're sorry when you miss a birthday or worse, drop someone's birthday cake. Apologize for situations that deserve an apology!

If you did something great, celebrate it! If you feel beautiful, say it! Stop apologizing for your feelings, your thoughts, your opinions, and your talents.

I'm not a feminist, but...

I'm not a feminist but...

That statement has been thrown at me many times, by males and females. I am usually offended and always taken aback. I'm pretty sure I was born a feminist, so when someone is afraid to identify with that word it's kind of a slap in the face. It would be comparable to me saying, "I'm not a Caucasian, but..." If I display all the signs of being a Caucasian (i.e. buying a pumpkin spice latte the first day of the season, wearing leggings with Uggs) then I am a damn Caucasian. I might as well fess up and be proud. Okay, okay, I'll be serious now. That analogy was obviously a joke, but I really do encounter many people who are THE definition of feminism but are too scared to own it.

This is my way of explaining feminism: Have you ever witnessed something that you thought was totally unfair? Maybe it was something really elementary. Maybe you were walking somewhere ("provocative" clothing or not) and you were harassed. Maybe it's something deeper. Maybe your mom was abused your entire life. Maybe your sister was raped and the rapist roams free because laws against sexual crimes and the stigma placed upon victims in this country is a joke. Either way, you witnessed this "thing" and suddenly became very passionate about it. This "thing" made you think, "WOW THAT IS REALLY UNFAIR. I WANT TO CHANGE IT FOR OTHERS." That is how I feel about feminism. I have witnessed many unfair things in my life and most of the situations can be owed to sexism and to the general patriarchy. People sometimes laugh at me as if my passion is a stand-up comedy act. I'm not trying to be funny when I vent about street harassment, lack of sexual education, lack of women in congress, and violence against women. I am however trying to be funny when I make FUN of  the Kardashians, PSLs, Donald Trump, and leggings with Uggs. Do not get those mixed up.

I have dissected the reasoning behind the fear of identifying with feminism. Some of them are actually understandable. Some of them make me want to rip my own head off.

Social fear: Identifying as a Feminist will hurt my image.
This reason is one that makes me want to rip my own head off. I haven't ever "socially feared" much. I've worn snow pants under a pencil skirt on Lane Avenue for heaven's sake! My attitude toward the ridiculous things I do in public applies to my political views as well. I'm not (overly) obnoxious with them, but if the subject comes up I will not hesitate to voice my beliefs. I have had many a casual conversation with friends who laughed at my Women's Studies minor, insisting they couldn't take a class because it wouldn't be "cool." I have seen guys silently stand by while their friends woman-bash and degrade my gender, reducing us to bodies and sexual objects. (On the other hand, I have seen totally awesome guys make the jerks cut it out, stat!) I have spoken with adult men who try to flirt with me by calling my passion for equality "cute" because they're actually really intimidated by me. Men and women alike have this fear that if they passionately stand up for something, it will make them less cool in the eyes of their friends.. Or even worse. Facebook friends..



Tradition: Masculine jobs deserve masculine pay.
Traditionally men work in more physically-demanding jobs. Traditionally these men get paid more than women for doing more physical labor than women. No worries, I had this conversation with my Papaw (who is one of my absolute favorite people on the planet). I was a sophomore in Ohio State's grueling architecture program, and I had just declared my minor in Women's Studies. "Are you a feminist?" I asked him. He actually laughed. I got so angry that I couldn't see straight, and that is rare, my friends. I straightened that out real fast. I put it in perspective for him after he used the "Men should get paid more than women because they do more work" BS response. "So I work my ass off in architecture school, and I get paid less than the men in my position because I'm a woman? Explain that one to me." He couldn't because he agreed. He understands that his previous position was rather asinine, which is why I'm using this example. Miracles are real!


Feminists are a bunch of hairy, man-hating, radical, bra-burning wastes of women. 
NEWSFLASH: You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman. I would also like to add that I've been a feminist for years and that I am not hairy (although it's YOUR choice to be hairy or hairless and we will love you no matter what), I love men, and that I do wear a bra..sometimes (again- that's a choice!). This reasoning also goes back to the social fear and the fear that this word may taint one's image- Good golly! Feminists come in all races, genders, sexualities, ethnicities, and religions. Feminists come from all professions. Some feminists have no children; some feminists have eight children. Some feminists never marry. Some have been married three times. And some are with the one love of their life forever. That's the beauty of feminism. It's not limited to one type of person. And guess what! There are different types of feminisms! International feminism is one of my faves. There is a feminist movement for everyone! Own it!

Feminism is for weak women who need special recognition.
I have had a few male friends who make fun of feminism because a word that is clearly promoting women does not describe a movement for ALL equality (aka egalitarian). A very intelligent (male) friend once said, "I don't support feminism. We don't need it. Why should we treat women more special? What's that gonna do?" All I could muster was, "LOL U MUST B JOKIN." Okay so the conversation actually took place face-to-face, so I didn't have that reaction. I sat in stunned silence that this is actually a belief. Feminism is not about special treatment. It's about equality for EVERYONE, and since anyone who identifies as a WOMAN has been oppressed at some point in her life, it is a movement to eradicate that oppression and create equality for ALL. Honestly, I don't believe that we should have a women's history month, day, etc. We shouldn't have to have a special occasion for that because (great) women should be celebrated every day! And fellas, let me say, I love it when a dude can genuinely say, "I'm a feminist." It tells me that your head is in the right place and out of your privileged bums!

I'm not a feminist, but...

The truth is the "but..." is exactly what makes you a feminist. So get over it already!