Time Management Tips from a Busy Bee

I am a writer and a runner with a full-time job. I work 40 hours a week, run 4-5 days a week, write for two websites plus my own blog, and I serve on several volunteer committees throughout the year. In the last few months I've had to learn to be extra efficient since I have so many tasks weighing on me on a daily basis.

1. Make a to-do list, but on a macro scale.
I learned the hard way in architecture school that if I made an elaborate to-do list with specific deadlines, I stressed myself out more. I usually missed the deadlines, throwing off the elaborate schedule; therefore, I wasted time writing and worrying about the darn thing. It's easier to write a weekly list to write down tasks that need to be tackled at some point in the week instead of taking on every possible detail at one time.

2. Plan. Plan. Plan.
Similar to the macro to-do list, plan what you'd like to accomplish monthly, and break it down. For example, I'm not currently signed up to run any races, but I'd still like to maintain around 75 miles a month. That's around 19 miles a week. Thanks to that planning, I have a grasp on what I should do on a weekly basis to accomplish that. For another example, I am terrible about eating out every day of the week. When I take time to plan out a week's worth of food, I'm prepared and I save time worrying about that food and I save money! I say this as I eat a cookie for dinner. ;) We can't always manage time perfectly.

3. Weekends are everything.
Long run. Yoga. Meal plan/prep. Nap. Catch up on TV. Do laundry. Clean. Write all the words.
Take one of these weekend days and do something excessively that you cannot do on a weekday.

4. Keep your creativity in check. (And all will fall into place)
To be a better writer, I need to be a better reader. This fall I finally went to get a library card (after living in Columbus for six years) and I've been taking full advantage of it. I listen to audiobooks while I cook and run, and I read on my lunch breaks and sometimes before bed. I will say that since I've put an effort into consuming more literature, my creativity has been more consistent. This goes for all creative types. Make room for observing the art of others, and art will come to you; thus making your (artistic) job easier.

5. Take advantage of lunch breaks.
I mentioned before that I've been reading on my lunch breaks, and that's a great creative escape from the daily grind. I mean, it's a treat. A dose of lit right in the middle of the workday?! Yes, please. But I also use lunch breaks to grocery shop, schedule appointments, go to said appointments, and sometimes work on one of my assignments for a site. I'm lucky because my place of employment is in an area of town where I am able to achieve all these tasks during the work day, which always saves a little time.

6. Try to maintain a clean living space.
This is what you come home to after working hard, and for some of us, we have to continue to work hard in our home space. When my house is a wreck, it's easy for my mind to become a wreck too, making it hard for me to focus and accomplish anything. My house is by no means a spotless temple for creativity, but I cannot handle a pigsty. (Like pigs are cute and all, but since when do pigs write books and stuff?)

6. GTF away from your phone! (At least once a day!)
This one is hard for me because I feel a certain dependency on my phone for my job(s). I am constantly checking and replying to email, keeping notes, managing the schedules and plans I mentioned, and of course, running Instagram for a few organizations! But when I am able to escape my phone for an hour or so, usually while I'm running, I feel so freakin' refreshed afterward! And much less overwhelmed.

7. Don't be hard on yourself, and take necessary breaks.
I am my own worst critic. The worst. I have learned to let go when I don't quite accomplish every little task on my list. I often stay up into the night writing or working, but sometimes I crash at 10:30 (this is extremely early in my world lol). Sometimes, even when a deadline is pressing, I have to take a whole evening off because I can't stand to be in my house. And that's okay.

8. Be critical
On the other hand, if you're really pressed for time, be critical of what is beneficial to your time management. For example, there are no photos in this post! Ya'll can do without a couple pictures. ;) Happy reading and best of lucky, busy bees!

Cry Day

This week is not my week. This month is not my month. I hate November. I know, I know, how can I hate the month of Thanksgiving? Yeah well, this is new to me too. My Papaw died last November, and I can't look at the month the same way. My beloved nephew was born this month, and my grandparents' anniversary is also this month, but I just can't get past the death date. This will mark our first year of loss. Maybe over time I can look forward to this month again, but right now I do not care. I don't have to.

On top of my existing emotional distress, last night a few disturbing things happened to me. The first was that two strangers approached my door, trying to get me to switch energy companies. This was not disturbing, but it was out of the ordinary. I was trying to cook, and they were wasting my time, ignoring my rejections. Very frustrating. Then I went for a run during which someone verbally assaulted me and threw a full can of beer at me from their moving vehicle. This was the spoiled icing on top of the shit cake. Although their cowardly actions literally did not even do so much as slow my pace on my run, it was a jarring moment in which someone tried to physically hurt me for absolutely no reason other than the sickness in their own heart. They drove away, and I was okay, dodging the throw, but then several minutes later I fell in the crease of a sidewalk, tearing up my left knee for the third time this year. I was so angry with myself for falling. I was frustrated at the outcome of the events of the day. I was angry with myself for being angry with myself. I was a mess of emotions, and I thought to myself, "Maybe I should take tomorrow off and just stay home and cry." Then the idea developed.

Cry-day. At work we have personal days, mental health days, sick days, vacation days, and the unprofessional but still themed Sunday Fun-day, Caturdays, Thirsty Thursdays, need I go on? One can assume that a personal day or a mental health day could be used for crying, but among the young professionals I know, both of those types of days have been used for job interviews, shopping days (honestly, yeah that is retail therapy!!), and travel.

Then I gave Cry-day some serious thought. I want a Cry-day because my depression has returned, and I completely deserve a day to myself to stay in bed and mourn about whatever I want, whether that's my flaky fingernails, my messy house, or my grandpa's death. There is no shame in that. Everybody deserves a Cry-day once in awhile. Maybe if we had designated Cry-days, we could start to remove a bit of the stigma around mental health overall. If I knew my co-worker had taken a Cry-day, I would immediately be more sensitive and more importantly, I would try to be a friend. I would text them at the end of the day to see if they needed anything, and I would offer to do something with them that week, to cheer them up or ease their mind. I would suggest that they treated him/herself to something, maybe ice cream, and if they couldn't afford it I would buy it for them. That's just me though. That's the perspective of the writer behind The Peace Mobile.

No one has to know why you needed a Cry-day, but it is important that someone knows that you did. So until I somehow make this Cry-day a thing in the "real" world, let's have Cry-days together. If you need to take a Cry-day, tell your best friends you've been feeling blue and explain the Cry-day concept. <3 p="">

I wasn't sure of what photo to use for a Cry-day, but flowers always make me smile! :)

Why Aren't You in a Relationship?

re·la·tion·ship

rəˈlāSH(ə)nˌSHip/

noun

1. the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.

Here, I will answer a question I am commonly asked.

I am in a relationship. With many beautiful friends. They pry my anxiety from my stiff, scared hands, and they rip it to shreds. When they are lonely, I tell them stories. When they are discouraged, I give them pep talks. We share our tears, fears, and dreams. When we fight, we are fighting about who loves the other more.

I am in a relationship. With myself. After years of hating my body, feeling uncomfortable in my own head, and spending days criticizing every part of myself, I am working on becoming whole. I treat myself well. I eat nourishing foods. I explore every chance I get. I try something new every week. When I go to sleep at night, I am happy with the woman I have become.

I am in a relationship. With the universe. I live within a great, big, beautiful and loving universe that responds to my needs.

I am in a relationship. With God. I give Him my heart and my hands, and He gives me strength and mercy and eternal love and life. I am learning to love God in my own way, and God is forgiving of that. 

I am in a relationship. With spirits. Signs of my loved ones will never compare to their physical presence, but beggars can't be choosers. I will take what I can get. Birds, songs, and quotes are reminders of the love that lives on through me.

Please consider what a "relationship" is, and be aware that there are many ways to live a fulfilling life.

Be the right person. Love yourself. Love many others. Love many places and many things. Then things will fall into place.

C 2 Shining C, a Recap

This weekend I did this crazy thing that made my heart swell with love, my eyes fill with tears, my legs fill with lactic acid, and my car fill with.. umm. not pleasant smells. What could this crazy thing be?! The C2C Run! (link to event included at the end) In plain English, the C2C Run is a 130+ mile relay run from Columbus to Cincinnati, Ohio, benefiting the American Cancer Society. Specifically supporting the Road to Recovery Program (program that transports local cancer patients to and from treatment as needed). This was the C2C's inaugural year, and I was also on the planning committee! We started this project approximately 10 months ago, and we put our hard work to the test over the weekend. Eight teams, seventy-five runners, and countless volunteers raised over $30,000 for ACS! What an accomplishment!

Cheering on the River City Runners at the starting line!

The Details
Each team had 8-9 runners and 1-2 vehicles. My team of 8 broke down into 4 people per van. Legs 1-4 (my van) would run in assigned order while van 2 rested. Then van 2, transporting legs 5-8, would run their assignments while we rested. Or tried to rest at least. (I can't sleep under pressure hahaha) Other teams took one large vehicle! When one runner finished his/her leg, he/she "passed the torch," or in this case, a timing chip in the form of a bracelet, to the other runner. This means we had one runner constantly on the road for 22.5 hours!

My team, Will Run for Cupcakes, lining up at the start!

The Legs
Round One: Legs 1-4, 9.11.2015, 7pm-11:15pm
I was leg 4, meaning I ran the assignments 4, 12, and 20! It totaled at almost 20 miles. With that nonsense out of the way, here's how it went: My teammate Randy started us off. The event kicked off at Goodale Park in Columbus. He was only running 5-ish miles for his first leg. I knew it wouldn't take him any longer than 50 minutes to finish, so my other two teammates and I hit the road. We may or may not have gotten lost within the first ten minutes. We may or may not have caused Randy to sit in the cold rain for an extra 20 minutes while we pulled ourselves together. I still feel awful about that. :O Our second leg, McKenzie also had to run her five miles in the rain.

By the time leg 3, Katie, began, it was nighttime and we were well out of the city. The nighttime rules were that the runner had to run with the flow of traffic, but with the SAG (support and gear) vehicle following directly behind the runner. I missed a sign, and Katie ran through probably two miles of dark cornfields without the assistance from our van! As you can see, our first round of legs was a little confusing! :/ I almost cried when I realized she was out there alone, but she took it like a champ! She wuddn't afraid o' nothin'! Also during this leg, a car pulled over for us. We had a flashing yellow light on top of our car (a C2C requirement!), and evidently this other driver thought we had some authority. Randy, McKenzie, and I laughed about it all night. Literally. ;) When Katie made it safely through her 7.3-miler, it was finally my turn! McKenzie took the wheel and I took the pavement.

My first leg was 4.4 miles, and we had finally arrived in the "rolling" terrain area. My first leg had several hills and two very scary, narrow bridges. Apparently my teammates in the car would panic when I had to run across one! I started out at a relaxed pace, and then adrenaline started pumping through me. I finished a little under my normal pace! Since I was the fourth and last leg of the first half of our team, the rest of our team was always present at the exchange point at which I finished. That means I always had a cheering section! It was pretty cool. :) When I finished leg 4, leg 5, Sam, kicked off for our other van. We headed to the YMCA in Washington Courthouse to rest!

Team selfie, at a stop light during the first leg!

Round Two: Legs 9-12, 9.12.2015, 2:30am-7am
The other half of our team flew through their assignments! During our team's designated rest time, I'm not convinced any of us actually slept. We all agreed that we "rested" our eyes for maybe 45 minutes. The middle section, or round two as I am calling it, was by far the most challenging because of the time of day we were running it. At that point we were fatigued from being awake almost 24 hours, and we had to pull through some really tough hours in the cold, damp darkness. However, when I finally hit the pavement for leg 12, I was really pumped up. What we were achieving finally hit me, and I realized that when I finished my team would officially be halfway done! Leg 12 was the C2C "challenge route," and I "took one for the team" when I signed up for that. It was the longest leg at 9.9 miles on rolling terrain. I began the challenge route at 5:30am. I was freezing when I started! A mile in I was fine. It was a comfortable temp actually- 54 degrees! This was a very emotional assignment for me. The longer mileage left me more time to reflect upon what I was doing and for whom I was doing it.

Whenever I felt fatigued, I would picture my Papaw as a lanky 16-year-old basketball player running in front of me, teasing me that I couldn't go any faster. The emotions I was feeling lead me to fly. Miles 3 and 4 clocked in at 9:08 - almost 40 seconds below my training pace. I slowed it down just a little for the sake of not running out of steam. Otherwise, I had negative splits! I am grateful to have done the challenge route because I experienced the beauty of a sunrise on Ohio back roads that I had never traveled. It was cloudy that morning, so the colors were dark and beautiful. The sky was a dark orange, burgundy and gray. A humid haze added another gray layer to the canvas. It's a hard scene to describe. It was breathtaking, but not cheerful. It was dark, but not ominous. It was vivid and fascinating.

I finished in the cloudy daylight in the middle of a cornfield. When I saw the official "half way" point, a big blue finish line, I picked up the pace at finished at a 7:35. It was approximately 7:00am. I felt amazing and free. And I looked wild. :) Katie, Randy, McKenzie and I decided we wanted something substantial to eat other than our diet of pretzels, peanut butter, and bagels, so we found ourselves a McDonald's. We had each been awake for 24 hours by that time, and we were feeling it. My runner's high was wearing off and I needed to rest. Combine that with some runger (intense hunger resulting from running) and I was a sassy mess. In McDonald's, we got so many stares. I mentioned in a Facebook post that it wasn't my proudest moment, but I did say... "If one more person stares at us, I'm gonna let them smell me. I look like a skank because I just ran 15 miles. You look like a skank because you are a skank." I promise I normally do not call people skanks, but my tolerance was nonexistent at that moment. :) We got our food and finally got to rest. We parked the van and napped hippie style. Doors ajar. Sprawled across whatever we could fit on. There was a pleasant breeze flowing through our stinky car, and it was sunny. Honestly one of the best naps I've ever taken- haha!

Round Three: Legs 17-20, 9.12.2015, 11am-2:30pm
Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. We were so freakin' happy because we had gotten to nap (2 hours works wonders). Because we were almost finished. Because it was a gorgeous day. Because we were kicking C2C's ass. This last round for my half of the team started on the Little Miami trail. It was serene and again, the perfect running conditions. Low 70's, but on a shaded trail; mostly downhill, down-river. I have a fun little story regarding my final leg. It was 4.2 miles. My splits continued to be negative (this is great to a runner!). I was approaching the 4 mile-mark, and I knew I was almost done. I was running approximately an 8:35 pace. There was a man running ahead of me. At first I thought he could be affiliated with C2C. I got closer (quickly as our paces were drastically different), and I realized he was not. He was sort of running right in the middle of the trail, and I needed to pass him. He noticed me, flicked his head back to see me, and then started running faster. This, my friends, pissed me off. That is bad trail etiquette. It was clear I was part of an event. I was wearing an official bib and our team gear. He started slowing down again after a few seconds. I tried to pass him a second time, and he did it again. Now the finish was in sight, and my committee/volunteer friends Brian and Robert could see what was happening. They started screaming for me. Two of my teammates were there too, yelling as well. I'm not sure what happened, but I kicked it down to a 6:35 pace and blew this heathen out. of. the. water. My teammates and friends were cracking up. Mind you, I pulled this pace out of nowhere after completing a total of over 19 miles haha. I was not playing! Papaw would have been cracking up at my temper and likely proud of my stubborn nature. I'm actually quite sure he sent that jackwagon to the trail just to make me work harder!

That wrapped up my van's assignments! We were in a cute town in Loveland, Ohio, and we located the nearest ice cream stand to indulge before the real finish line treats. We were ecstatic. Slap happy! Everything made us laugh. We drove to the finish to wait for our team, and it started to rain again. (It rained on the other half of our team every time!!)

We did it! My team at the long-awaited finish line in Cincinnati! 

The Inspiration
Inspiration was everywhere I looked.

So many of my friends jumped through hoops just to do this event. One friend became injured at the last minute and then developed tonsillitis five days before showtime. A teammate was also battling a last-minute injury that landed her at the chiropractor the day of the event! Another teammate had a head cold from hell! Two teammates barely had any training time.

But I could see the determination in everyone. Especially at the end when we came together to celebrate our achievements. I don't know everyone's stories, but I saw many humble tears. I saw two brothers have a moment while their daughters innocently danced in the rain. I saw tears in my best friend's eyes when she crossed the finish line. A friend was there because he lost his sister to cancer. Another very young friend had lost her mother. My best friend has lost several family members. In that moment. In those 24+ hours, our pain came together as one. As did our efforts. The funds raised from this event will provide local cancer patients with the means they need to make it to their treatments.

I cannot describe the amount of fun that I had with my team. This was quite an adventure! Good news: We can do it every year! :)  http://community.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=69845&pg=entry

Thanks for reading!

(Not Your Average) Autumn Bucket List

I've never been one to fawn over fall. I get it. People like wearing sweaters and being cozy and sh*t. Great. To be honest, autumn makes me a little sad. I get nostalgic for being in the band and the crisp football Friday nights. Fall is the season in which I lost my Papaw. So I'm never exactly thrilled about all the feels it brings. Ya dig? But there are some bright sides. Fall is a beautiful season everywhere. Autumn = prime running/race season. And there is the crown jewel of fall.. HALLOWEEN. (the only thing I care about tbh). Sooooo to combat all my sappy feelings, I made a fall bucket list! But it's not a bucket of fall like I saw Bath & Body Works was selling. That actually makes me want to vomit a little bit. Come on.

1. Perfect the pumpkin pie smoothie
This is a delightfully festive drank and a healthier alternative than the pumpk-- okay I'm not even going to say the word. Recipe and photo courtesy of Alexis at http://www.hummusapien.com/pumpkin-pie-smoothie/

2. Visit the Patch

Two years ago my friends and I visited a local pumpkin patch (pictured to the right). We ended up in chilly, blustery, misty weather that was less than ideal. But the experience was fun! And the pumpkin patch itself in combination with the dreary weather looked like the set of a Halloween horror film! I felt like a kid again. And we stopped to eat/warm up on the way home with our new babies (pumpkins). It was loads of fun!

3. Dedicate a day to my love for Pride & Prejudice and watch all the film adaptations. And anything with Colin Firth in it. Or Keira Knightley. Oh also, Harry Potter. Basically a 24-hour British film festival in my pajamas.

4. See what a new city looks like in the fall : Boston

I was lucky enough to grow up in a southern Ohio town that transforms into a red/gold wonderland during the autumn months. Absolutely gorgeous. A trip to my hometown is glorious, but I'd still like to see what other cities look like it the fall! So I'm going to Boston! I have an even better excuse to go there. My bestfriend lives there! Salem, here we come! ;)


5. Road trip through the Carolinas
While we're on the subject... Last year I was en route to Florida in late October, and we drove through North and South Carolina. We only had a brief glimpse of the foliage. Stunning nonetheless. But I can only imagine the burst of color in the mountains!

6. Make welcoming decor!
I'm a sucker for flowers. I cheated a little because I already did this over the weekend, but I made this dope wreath (to the left) with my Mamaw! She's a pro. I'm not.


7. Pick apples!
I am particularly divalicious when it comes to apples. I favor the honeycrisp. I've actually said, "If it's not honeycrisp, I won't eat it." I may have been a little dramatic, but what better way to satisfy my apple-demands than to pick the darn things myself??


8. Camp
I have a fantasy of wandering into the red and golden wilderness with homemade granola bars and a tent.

9. Have two epic Halloween costumes - not one.. But two!
Halloween is the crown jewel of autumn. This is THE Holiday for my friends and I. We look for reasons to have more than one costume. I can't share my ideas with you because they're so epic. ;) But let's say one involves a couple o' well known Saturday Night Live characters. 

10. Friendsgiving
My friends are too good to be true. When we argue, we are fighting about who loves the other more. It's a losing battle. No one ever gives up. Friendsgiving (Thanksgiving + friends) is the perfect way to do that arguing- over a festive meal!

Pep Talk for the "Non-Runner"

People ask me about running a lot. Probably because that's a lot of what I talk about! I've run 6 half marathons, 1 full marathon, countless 5Ks, and other random-distance races since 2010. Between training, eating (constantly), preventing or treating injury, and the races themselves, I have a lot to talk about! I could chatter for days about running-related crap that other people care nothing about. On the other side of that spectrum, when people come to me for advice about running, many curious people ask me how I do it. They say, "I wish I could do that." "You ran 10 miles? That's insane! I could never do that." "Running sucks, how do you do it?" I would like to address all these aspirations and doubts. :)

I didn't wake up one day and Forrest Gump-style run for miles!! I started very small. I would also like to include that since I am young a lot of people assume I ran in high school or college. Nooooo. I had a short-lived track career before I gave it up for the arts. The only running I did was from band to theater! So I am saying that I, like many who consult me for advice, did not have a running background. I started from scratch! I did run a bit in high school outside of organized sports. To my mother's dismay, I would run on our country road. The stretch of road I chose was only less than a mile, and I would run one side and walk the other. Until one day I could run both sides without stopping! I eventually built up from running/walking less than a mile to running a full two miles, then three miles! After a few 5Ks and a little encouragement from friends, I registered for my first half marathon (13.1 miles). I remember the first time I ran 6 miles in training. I crawled to my dorm room. Yes. I am very dramatic. Crawled, whining about how dehydrated I was. A few years and many races later, I call six miles a "short" distance.

"I wish I could do that." YOU CAN! If you were blessed with the ability to walk, you can certainly at least try to run. Start small. Set a goal. Choose a local 5K and challenge yourself to at least finish it. Forget about a finish time. Another great thing about races- almost all of them have a wheelchair division, and those athletes are the most inspiring ones there! I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I can barely run up a hill. I know I could not wheel myself up one! People who participate in races have all kinds of abilities, but they have one thing in common. They are all determined beasts!

"You ran 10 miles? That's insane! I could never do that!" Refer to "I wish I could do that." pep talk. :) Also, never say never! I would like to add that I am often in higher mileage because I run long distance, which is my distance of choice. This is not everyone's choice, and it does not need to be. Some people are sprinters. Some people love a good short-distance race, and therefore keep their mileage at 5 miles max. Some people do ultra-marathons. (An ultramarathon is any race longer than 26.2 miles) Choose the distance that works for you! Just because you don't run marathons doesn't mean you're not a "real runner." If you run, you are a runner! 5K Queen or Marathon Machine. You are a runner.

"Running sucks, how do you do it?" Same answer as before: It's all about the build-up! Plus running does kind of suck. Especially if you're just starting to train. Your lungs and heart are working hard for you and your body is using its energy stores. That doesn't sound glamorous, so don't expect it to feel glamorous. No matter how many times I've trained, the first mile of my workout almost always "sucks." Remember that every runner has bad days when they bounce out of a run or their legs feel like lead. You have to push past those moments to get to the good ones; the easy mile; the finish line.

Running is a mental sport. If you talk down to yourself, you're not going to do well. You need to train your mind as well as your body. I assure you- You are more than capable of reaching the finish line. You are SO worth it. Your body and mind will thank you!

Friending, Following, and Fighting: Navigating the Rough and Wonderful Waters of Social Media

The internet is home to the good, the bad, and the ugly. The good, and most obvious (and founding) reason for social media, is to connect with friends, new and old, near and far. But the bad and the ugly can take a real toll on your mental health without you even knowing. Here are some things to consider when you follow and friend folks on social media!

Here is my personal way of using social media, and it’s okay to use all forms in all different ways:

Facebook: FB is where I follow my friends and family and share personal info and photos. I love to share sometimes long and winding statuses if something funny happened that I think is worth sharing. I also write equally as long statuses if I witness something unfair or hateful. I also utilize the good ol’ FB for fundraising purposes for various charities I support. Overall, I use Facebook as a storyboard and scrapbook.

Instagram: I share photos of all kinds. Photos from daily life: How far I ran, a beautiful photo from a trail run, pictures of my friends from dinner, and sometimes pictures OF my dinner. Oh and my nephew and cat. :D Instagram is a free-for-all. I am a visual person, and if I find or take a photo that makes me laugh, I’ll share it. I’m not a five-star photographer. I just share humorous or pleasant photos. I also started doing #feministfriday approximately a year ago, and I love sharing socially enlightening photos as well.

Twitter: Although I address some seriousness in each of these accounts, Twitter is the least serious to me. Which is ironic because I think Twitter and its fame for hashtags is most important for social change. For example, I got a lot of information about the Sandra Bland murder through Twitter. Anywho, when I am not perusing the latest socially important hashtag, I’m sharing stupid tweets about my day, being hangry and road rage. Generally crass and unimportant. Hopefully entertaining. ;)

Now that you know how I utilize social accounts, here is how I keep myself and my friends and followers in check.

The Good

I am the type of person who can be easily misunderstood. I’m not overly obnoxious, but there is potential. I’m stubborn, and sometimes I think people perceive my strong personality as maybe feelings of superiority. I never want to be perceived that way. I do think since I have started using social media more frequently that I have become more conscious of how I present myself to others. It’s important to be critical of your actions and words, and my presence on social media keeps me in check. For example, when I started preaching my love for feminism and equal rights, I was guilty of only pushing middle-class feminist issues. Social has helped me find my voice as an ally for women of all races, gender identities, and abilities. I also used to share my opinion unapologetic-ally at all times. I am still unapologetic with my opinion, but I am slowly understanding that my comment is not necessary on everything! I’ll never be perfect, but there is always room for improvement!

The Bad

My Facebook friend list grew from maybe 200 to 900 from college on. I regularly try to maintain my friend list, but I try not to be overly harsh about unfriending people (as if anyone cares). My newsfeeds, especially on Facebook which is my oldest account, becomes an accumulation of.. well. People and info I don’t really care about. Here are a few questions I ask myself: Is this person relevant to my life? (Hahaha that sounds really harsh, but it's important. As a writer, I know I have people who enjoy reading my blogs and work. If I don’t regularly see this person but I know they appreciate my work, I keep ‘em! Those people are valuable!) Will I ever see this person again? (I have had a few “friends” who do more harm than good. If they share hateful and narrow-minded posts, I block ‘em. Not worth my time or effort. Especially if I never see the culprit in person. Again, who really cares? Get rid of that negativity!)

Another bad aspect of social is the fact that sharing a personal story or photo opens up a forum for discussion. Sometimes it’s fun! Sometimes it’s awful. I recently had a male friend attack me for sharing a story about being bullied for my tattoos. In his opinion, there are more important issues than the fact that women’s bodies become commentaries for people who treat them as objects. Ironic since I’ve never seen the culprit make a feminist observation in the six years I’ve known him. Social media can really bring the bigots out of the woodwork. When you share on social, you have to be prepared to either brush off the bullies or fight with them if the cause is important. When in doubt, block it out.

The Ugly

When I think of fighting with people on the internet, I want to cry. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating when someone doesn’t understand your point of view and sometimes it can make you feel like a bad person when you’re just trying to communicate a progressive and simple message. This seems shocking, but I’ve been targeted by various OLDER (older emphasized because you would assume they are more mature!) people online. My first ugly fight happened on Facebook with a family member who mocked a status of mine about Robin Williams. My status was about reaching out for help if you’re suicidal because, in my opinion, it was worth a try. If that saves one person, who cares what everyone else thinks? This older woman mocked my status, and when I called her out on it, became very aggressive and personally attacked my history of disordered eating and then tried to invalidate my experience because I am half her age. Very rude, immature, and uncalled for.  Needless to say, I blocked her. It’s been a year, and I haven’t had to argue with her about ANYTHING. (Refer to previous section: I never see her in person anyway!) Blocking her removed at least a small fraction of stress from my life! 

Like all other relationships in life, you need to make sure your "relationships" on social media are healthy! Unlike real life, they don't need to be meaningful at all. Social media is what you make it! It can be satirical, a news source, or just a place to talk with friends! Just make sure you're not filling your own life with the trash of others and putting yourself at risk for bullying and exhausting virtual arguments. Not worth it!