Annual Unconventional List of Thanks

I’m thankful that I’ve learned to respect myself by cutting out toxic people who are bad for my mental health. 

I’m thankful for all the setbacks, the less-than-ideal jobs, the rejections. Negative news and situations are always hard to fathom, but I trust that I am being directed to the right place.

I’m thankful for the rude, entitled people that I sometimes have to interact with for teaching me how NOT to act or treat others.

I am thankful for my self-therapy. Sometimes my eating disorder sneaks back up on me as a coping mechanism in times of distress or pain. I use it to gain control over my life. THEN I realize that is not coping- it is self-harm. And I go back to my real activities that make me happy: playing an instrument to soothe myself, or taking a run to clear my mind. I’m thankful that I can acknowledge what is healthy for me.

I’m thankful for my friends and family who do not sugar coat anything. I love when people can be honest and realistic, but not hurtful.

2014 has been the year of the friend. I think that’s because my friends and I have finally reached the age that sometimes family members don’t understand our problems because of generational differences. I love that I have found so many friends from differing backgrounds that do not judge; they only support.

I’m thankful for the hardships in recent years that have revealed my true friends. Thanks to that, I no longer need to waste time or energy on people who do not care.

I had so many friends, near and far, cheer for me during the marathon. They celebrated with me in spirit. I had friends, near and far, cry with me when Papaw died. Some of these friends didn’t even know him. But because they love me, they felt my pain too. Those are the best friends.

I’m thankful for the friends that I consider my brothers and sisters.

I am thankful for my siblings. In my life, I’ve questioned a lot of things regarding my family life. But I’ve never questioned how much I love my siblings. I know they look up to me, so I think twice when making decisions. They make me a better person.

I’m thankful for my cousins that could easily be my siblings. Cousins are great. Mine are at least. I’m so grateful for their loyalty.

I’m thankful for my high school teachers that I still continue to teach me and help me grow. I still have relationships with my music, theater and English teachers. I’ve actually shared with them some of my most private pieces of writing that I’ve never shared with anyone else. That is how much I trust and respect them.

I’m thankful for the Knowlton School of Architecture and The Ohio State University. These institutions have given me some of my best and weirdest friends a girl could ever ask for.

I’m thankful for my Uncle Ray (“Gunkle”) who has had to break a lot of bad news to me in my life. He was the one to tell me that Ethan needed heart surgery, that Papaw had cancer; that Papaw had days left to live; that Papaw had died. Every time he had to deliver this heart wrenching news, he cried with me. I really appreciate that. He never pretended that it didn’t hurt or that it was going to be okay. He acknowledged with his tears that he is hurting too and that we can hurt together. 

I’m thankful for my Mamaw. When I come home, she makes me food, does my laundry, buys me random necessities. I don’t need her to do that. But that’s exactly what Mamaws are for, and she does it perfectly. She also fills the roles that I do need. She listens to me cry, whether that is over the phone or at the dining room table. (And that can’t be a pleasant job. I am such an ugly crier.) Mamaw is definitely one of my best friends.

Finally, I’m thankful for the time I had with Papaw. Twenty-three years was not enough for me, but I’m grateful for what I did get. He taught me how to face life with laughter. Thanks to him, from now on, whatever I do, I will do it with all my heart. He would not want me to wallow in self-pity. He never did that, even when he was dying. Even though my heart aches every day, I am taking the steps I need to live a happier and healthier life. I am thankful for his motivation.

A Small Speech for a Big Heart

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?" This is a quote stated by the beloved childhood character, Winnie the Pooh. I read this quote months ago, before any of this was on our minds. But I think that's exactly why I stumbled across it. God has been preparing my heart for this a long time.

I read it one night while browsing literary quotes.

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?"

I immediately thought of Papaw. How lucky am I? How lucky are all of us in to have known, loved, and been loved by such a wholesome and giving heart?

A few years ago at Ohio State, there was a special dinner for grandparents, and of course mine came. I surprised Mamaw and Papaw by giving a speech about them during the dinner. I asked a friend to film the speech just so I could have it, and for a moment she moved the camera on to my grandparents, watching me speak. That was the first time I had seen my grandpa cry outside of a funeral home.

I discussed how honored I am to belong to them. How lucky am I? These two really put the grand in grandparents. Their love for each other and their family is larger than life. I have learned so much from their love, kindness, dedication, and willingness to give. I truly hope that I can spread as much charity and positively impact as many lives as my Papaw has.

In the past few days I have been reminded of his charity many times. I have been really touched by people telling me stories about him. So many people have gone out of their way to tell our family how much Ray meant to them. At the funeral home last night I spoke to a woman that he hired at Logan several years ago. Through my sadness I thought, "Wow. This is really cool to hear these stories. How lucky am I?"

I was also reading the condolences on the funeral home website, and one that stood out to me the most was from a co-worker. She said, "Ray was a very kind man. He taught me a lot, but one thing that stands out to me most about Ray is that he never thought less of anyone when they did not know something, he just helped us learn." I will take that with me for the rest of my life and try to be a patient leader like my grandfather.

Something I realized a long time ago is that I will never be able to pay Papaw back for what he has done for me and this world. The best I can do is pay it forward-- I aspire to live and love as he did; as a friend, parent, coach, mentor, volunteer and servant.

I also learned from Papaw that even though you may be suffering through the hardest and darkest time of your life, that you can still find joy and peace in daily life. I will really miss him in that aspect. I will miss the simple things... Like going to Sam's Club and eating all their samples. I will miss his company when I make outlandish statements to strangers, just to see their reaction. I will miss his reactions to my outlandish statements to him. Once I asked him, "What would you do if I dropped out of architecture school to become a comedian?" He said, "Well... I'd laugh at you."

On a side note- this is kind of unrelated, but a fun story I love to remember: When I was a high school freshman, I had a crush on two brothers that were seniors. Papaw knew this. Once at a football game, one of the boys was walking in front of us, and Papaw turned around and grinned at me. In my soul I was like, "No Papaw Please, no. Just no." And then he did it. Papaw tapped on the boy's shoulder, and he turned around. Papaw said, "Excuse me. My granddaughter thinks you're hot." Although inside I was mortified, I would not give Papaw the satisfaction of embarrassing me, so I looked at the boy right in the eye and said, "Yes. I do."

Anyway, getting back on track here- Among other comments people have made to me, a popular one has been, "He was one of a kind." Speaking of boys, the other day Mamaw told me that I need to "find someone like Papaw." That's a nice thought, but I think I have better chances of finding Bigfoot.

But the comment that stands out the most to me is, "He put up one heck of a fight." That's the thing. He fought so hard. But the catch is that he didn't lose. Sometimes you work so hard for something that God gives you what you deserve. Papaw deserved a beautiful life, one more beautiful and perfect that what we could have given him on this earth. And that is what God gave him.

What My Tattoos Meant to My Grandpa

For many years I knew I wanted a tattoo. A lot of people do. A lot of people want one just to have one. Most people talk about it, but never go through with it. I knew in my heart, when the time was right, that I would do it. I even discussed it with my grandparents. Not the tattoo I ended up getting (lol), but other tattoo ideas. I knew they were disturbed, but they also trust me with my decisions about my life and my body.

In the summer, my family got the devastating news that Papaw's cancer was likely back. I really struggled to cope with this being so far away from my family. Of course, their love will always be in my heart, but I wanted a physical reminder of their love that I could see on a daily basis. What a better reminder than permanent ink? ;)

On one of my drives south, the moment happened. It was a beautiful, sunny summer day. The windows of my car were down and I was listening to The Beatles. And the song, "In My Life" came on. I love that song with all my heart. I played and sang it at a Mother's Day event once (I rarely publicly play and sing simultaneously, so that is me proving how important the song is).

Suddenly, by the grace of the creativity gods, I had an idea! What if I got my grandparents to write out the lyrics of "In My Life" for a tattoo? That is just what I did that weekend. I took Papaw the piece of paper first. Without telling them what it was to be used for, I asked, "Papaw, will you write, 'In my life'?" He was a bit confused, but complied. He even asked me, "What am I doing this for?" I giggled and said, "You'll see." His first go was a little messy, so I asked him, "Could you maybe write that a little more neatly?" His second attempt looked like it was written by Walt Disney, so I used the original. <3 p="">
I took the paper to Mamaw next and asked her to write, "I love you more."

It took me a few weeks to figure out the placement. When I had that figured out, I picked an artist that I liked and made the magic happen. I originally was going to wait until I got home to show them, but I'm really bad at hiding anything so I called them right away and told them. This was the manner in which I broke the news to Mamaw: "Hi Mamaw. Do you know how much I love you?" "Aww I love you too." "No, you don't understand. I love you so much that I got your handwriting tattooed on my body." "What?"

Heehee. The rest of the conversation with Mamaw was pretty normal. She wasn't too upset or disturbed and neither was Papaw. They were both mostly concerned that I had hurt myself or that I was going to get a disease.

The moment of reveal to Papaw, though, was one of the most touching moments I've ever experienced. Two weeks later, I was able to visit home, and I made the drive right after work. I was wearing long sleeves, so when I got there I had to change. (I had to add some drama, right?) I approached Papaw, who was in his chair (a place he spent a lot of time while sick), and asked, "Are you ready?" I leaned over him, showing him what I had done. He read it slowly, "In my life... I love you more." I watched his face as he read my arms. Then he looked at me. I really do not know how to put into words the expression on his face. It was just full of love. I could tell that he was extremely honored that I went to those lengths, not only to prove my life for them, but so that I could have a piece of them forever. I will never, ever forget the look on his face.

A few minutes later when I had moved on to other things (like convincing Mamaw that I'm not diseased), he approached me and gave me a hug that seemed to last a lifetime. He also told me he loved me. He was a loving man, but he never just "did" things that emotional. I could tell that he was still thinking about my tattoos and the meaning behind them.

Ray Thomas Redman

Ray Thomas Redman

07.31.2948-11.07.2014

Ray Thomas Redman, 66, of Mason, WV, went to be with the Lord on Friday, November 7, after a courageous two-year battle with pancreatic cancer. Ray was born on July 31, 1948 in Mason, WV, to his loving parents, the late Tom and Eulah Johnson Redman. He is survived by his wife of 46 wonderful years, Joyce Long Redman, son daughter-in-law Ray and Mandy Redman, daughter and son-in-law Lori and Wally Hatfield, grandchildren, Jamie Bailey, Mackenzee Redman, Nathan Redman, Allison Hatfield, and Ethan Redman, a special great-grand cat, Maggie, brother-in-law and sister-in-law Jan and Susie Long, and several aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, and special friends. He is preceded in death, beside his parents, by grandson Ryler Redman, father-in-law and mother-in-law Lewis and Dorothy Long, and a special cousin Linn Ward. Ray had a successful career and was employed by Logan Corporation. He was an avid golfer and a member of the Mason United Methodist Church. As a follower of Jesus, Ray loved serving his community. He enjoyed supporting his grandchildren in their athletic and musical activities. Ray was deeply loved by his family, widely respected throughout the community and will be greatly missed.
Visitation will be Tuesday, November 11th, from 6-8pm, at the Foglesong-Roush Funeral Home in Mason. The funeral will be Wednesday at 11am at the Mason United Methodist Church.