Since I’ve been in my twenties, I have put a lot of thought
into how I interact with children, especially young girls. In the past seven
years I have volunteered at Bible schools, instructed band camps, and coached a
middle school track team. As scary as it is, I do realize that little girls
look up to me. I am not an angel, and I don’t strive to be; however, I do want
to be a good role model for kids since I know I have no choice, especially when
I am instructing them. They learn by example, and I have come to learn that I
need to be that example.
Which brings me to my attitude toward growing girls. There
is nothing more delightful than a child who has not been tainted by the evils
of the world yet, especially the body image world. Ethan, my three-year-old
cousin, has helped me learn so much about myself by seeing through his innocent
eyes. When I interact with young girls, instinctually I want to babble on about
just how pretty they are; “Hi, pretty girl!” “Happy birthday, gorgeous!” etc. But
I resist the urge. They hear that enough. And it’s not that I don’t believe in
giving compliments. I find a lot of joy in letting my friends know how
beautiful they are. When I compliment a little girl, I try to focus my positive
energy on something other than how she looks. She has been told numerous times
how cute she looks in her flouncy dress, but has anyone told her she has a
unique and charming taste in fashion? I’m sure the word “darling” has been used
to describe her 78978454 times, but not daring or bold or brave.
I do believe that all children should occasionally be
reminded of their inner (and outer) beauty, but honestly, when you tell a child
over and over that she is pretty and focus only on the physical, she is likely
to grow into an adult who expects the same compliments and attention. Speaking from the adult point of view, I do enjoy a good
compliment (even though I will usually argue with every word you say..it’s
something I’m working on), but I don’t expect someone to bow down to me and
call me stunning on a daily basis. I’m not freaking Kate Middleton. I’m Jamie
Bailey. I’m much cooler.
Reflecting on my childhood, do you know what I do remember?
The fact that as a six year old I aspired to be a doctor. Not only a doctor,
but THE one who created the pill to make you live forever. My back-up plan was
playing in the WNBA. No big deal. I also remember winning the Young Writer’s
Award at my elementary school when I was in the second grade for writing a
story about a girl who went to the circus. (I hadn’t even been to a circus
yet!) I remember getting my award and being treated to lunch by my school principal,
a woman I respected. Those are the memories that mean the most to me. Yeah, I have vague memories of people ranting
and raving about how cute I was at church and in weddings and at piano
recitals. But those are vague. My memory of my writing award is vivid.
I am just thankful that I did not grow up (aka hit puberty)
in the age of social media. What a painful time that would have been. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter
are bad enough, but now we have to factor in all the special days of the week:
WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday*), MCM (Man Crush Monday), Throwback Thursday (AKA
the day of the week everyone posts a picture of themselves in which they look
really hot. It could have been just last week or two days ago, but damn it, it’s
an excuse for a “throwback"). And don’t
forget the TBH (To be honest) and “Rate” posts where kids give the other a
rating, typically based on physical appearance and their likelihood of dating
the subject. I know several kids who are younger than the age of ten who have
these accounts, and I already worry about what this does to their confidence.
So the last thing I do is rave about how pretty one of my
runners is, even if she is. I don’t coo about my young flutist’s appearance,
even if she is absolutely beautiful. There will come a time, when I am no
longer her teacher, when I will let them know of those feelings. But now, as I
am their role model, I want them to know that they are capable, strong, smart,
and especially a wonderful student of whatever it is that I am teaching them.
*Woman Crush Wednesday makes absolutely no sense to me when
a male posts a picture of his crush. Unfortunately we are still in the day and
age that it is assumed that you are a heterosexual male; therefore posting a
photo of your crush can happen any day of the week, not just Wednesdays. WCW is
for presumably heterosexual females to post a photo of their crushes and not
appear to be “gay.” Same goes for girls and MCMs.
