Have you ever convinced yourself you need something that is
totally unnecessary? But you make excuses to validate the urge? Like when you
tell your mom you need some money for an work uniform when you completely
intend on buying a new party skirt instead? That's how body image works.
Especially if you have struggled with an eating disorder. There is always a
voice in your head telling you what you need and what you don't need. It's
there when you go to the mall with your mom, terrified that she will want a
snack between meals, obligating you to share it. It's there when your
grandparents take you to dinner and you hate yourself for days because you ate
the entire meal. It tells you what you think you need. Thankfully I fought that
voice off long ago. I realized that I am smarter and stronger than my disorder.
I learned what my body actually needs to survive, but not in terms of calories.
I concluded that I need to laugh many times a day, at the very least once an
hour. My friends are fantastic for that since they are upbeat, wonderful individuals.
I need the loyalty of an animal, and since I no longer live at home this means
looking at pictures of my cat, and sometimes calling my mom to force her to let
me talk to the cat on the phone. Speaking of.. I also need my mom because it’s
nice to be babied every once in a while. I need my grandparents to ask me
questions about "face page" so that I feel needed and important. I
also need my 13 year old sister because she can provide a strange, adolescent
comic relief like no other. In case you didn't see the trend, the things I need
are not things at all. They are people. People that I love immensely. When I'm
not around these people, I begin to miss them and yearn for their love. I have
never missed my anorexic habits. I have never missed hating myself or bashing
myself. I do not need those things. But sometimes I do need to talk to my best
friend, because no one will understand better than her. I need to cry to my mom
or I need to tell a joke to my grandparents. Because I need their love to
survive.
When I was struggling, it's not that those people didn't
provide me with love; I didn't love myself. We convince ourselves that we do
not deserve to respect or even like ourselves. But that's the most important
kind of love you need to beat the voice: self love. I want you to think about
your needs today.
Look at the people supporting you today, here, at home, at
school. They love you because you're amazing and you deserve it. Stop living
with things you don't actually need. Get rid of the hatred and the voice. Live
for those you love and need. Live for those who courageously fought the battle
but lost. Live for yourself because you're amazing and you deserve it.
